My excitement is officially cranking up. I’m like a goddamn kid on Christmas morning. I’m also driving an hour to watch the first 7 minutes and then endure 2 hours of Tom Cruise taking on tasks that are deemed impossible. And it’ll be worth it.
Fuck you PETA. Mario has been wearing animal skin for 20 goddamn fucking years. It doesn’t matter. IT DOESNT MATTER. IT DOESNT EFFECT ANYTHING OR ANYBODY
I had a dream that I fought The Plague from ‘Hobo with a Shotgun’. I won’t go into a lot of detail but just understand that I am one heroic, ballsy motherfucker in my dreams.
Whenever I consciously know that Jersey Shore is airing, I pray a jet engine crashes into my bedroom, missing me, and causing a tear in the fabric of the universe. In turn this creates a tangent parallel dimension where life is only sustainable for a short amount of time. However, as the ‘living receiver’, I will choose not to return the artifact back to its point of intercepted origin, thus allowing the universe to collapse. Killing everybody. Including Snooki.
-Jake Gyllenhaal
Young version of me would be goddamn pissed
As soon as I feel bored at my apartment. I remind myself that I have more video game systems than the average 10 year old. I also own a Nintendo ds (NOT PICTURED) and possibly a Wii soon (only for Super Smash Bros. Brawl basically). Thinking about it though, its all completely relevant because I can still pass for 10 years old.
Honest dilemma LIVES AT STAKE
Driving home from Orlando. I’m super tired. Just to stay awake, if I jerk off while driving with my little brother sleeping in the car, is that like a horrible sin or anything? I’d rather not die. Before you start to get upset just think about the options I’ve laid out here. I mean what’s worse, both of us dying because I fell asleep, or me rubbing one out in secrecy? Like seriously, can I just confession booth this shit?
FALSE ALARM FALSE ALARM FOUND A RED-BULL
