Shortly thereafter he exclaimed, “Welcome to earf!”
Having trouble figuring out what the fuck to use my Tumblr for. So I guess I’ll just dedicate it to wishing celebrities happy birthdays.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY REESE WITHERSPOON YOU’RE 36 NOW AND YOU WERE GREAT IN THAT ONE MOVIE
Who the fuck is choosing this user over at Rotten Tomatoes? I demand to know! I also no longer want to be alive.
My excitement is officially cranking up. I’m like a goddamn kid on Christmas morning. I’m also driving an hour to watch the first 7 minutes and then endure 2 hours of Tom Cruise taking on tasks that are deemed impossible. And it’ll be worth it.
Fuck you PETA. Mario has been wearing animal skin for 20 goddamn fucking years. It doesn’t matter. IT DOESNT MATTER. IT DOESNT EFFECT ANYTHING OR ANYBODY
I had a dream that I fought The Plague from ‘Hobo with a Shotgun’. I won’t go into a lot of detail but just understand that I am one heroic, ballsy motherfucker in my dreams.
Whenever I consciously know that Jersey Shore is airing, I pray a jet engine crashes into my bedroom, missing me, and causing a tear in the fabric of the universe. In turn this creates a tangent parallel dimension where life is only sustainable for a short amount of time. However, as the ‘living receiver’, I will choose not to return the artifact back to its point of intercepted origin, thus allowing the universe to collapse. Killing everybody. Including Snooki.
-Jake Gyllenhaal
